Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Dealing With Divorce During the Holidays

Well, it's that time again. The holidays. For some of us, this is the first time. For others it's the second, or tenth, since our divorce. The time when we get to watch our friends and family get all cute and romantic with their partners, while we wonder how the hell we got here. We tend to listen to a ton of lies during this time. Please don't listen to them. We are NOT failures, and we are NOT unlovable. Yes, we're hurting, mourning, moving through the pain that we're "alone", and that's OK. It's part of the natural grieving process. We don't need to just get over it—we need to move through it. We are still incredible people who are living each day just trying to be the best we can be. Not only that, but there are people in our lives who deeply care about us, and long for our happiness. Sometimes it's hard to see during the holidays, because we are so blinded by our negative feelings—but it's there friends. Maybe not romantically or sexually, and that's OK. The love of friendship and family has the capacity to be so deep when we give it the chance. Intimacy doesn't have to be shared with just a lover or spouse. There are 8 definitions for intimacy on dictionary.com Only one describes it as sexual intercourse. Other descriptions include: closeness, fondness, affection, familiarity, comfortable, and warm. I'm grateful to have friends and family who are willing to share this kind of intimacy with me. I hope you have it, or are willing to look for it. There are many memories, feelings and attachments to sort through. That's OK. Cry if you need to cry, talk if you need to talk, and yell into a pillow if it helps. Please don't isolate yourself, and subject yourself to a pit of endless sludgy sadness. Accept invitations to parties, gatherings and conversation. Live in the moment with those who care for you, and take time to care deeply for your awesome self. Balance is key. Seek it. Own it. Having a relationship with ourselves can be just as arduous (and fulfilling) as a marriage. Pamper yourself, tell yourself ten things you love about yourself, and buy yourself flowers. You're entirely worth it.
Cheers!