Your friend just called/text you asking you to talk. You have noticed that your friend is extremely angsty lately, nervous, on edge. Furthermore, you feel like they may be of a different sexuality than your own because of X, y, or z. You don't know what to do or say because you've never felt this way yourself. You may have heard all of your life that being gay is a sin and have thought you've seen Bible verses to agree with that view. Believe me, they probably have too and have spent years beating themselves raw with them. Here is some advice from the lips of a Christian lesbian that I hope helps you navigate your conversation in a way to best love and support your friend.
1: When your friend texts or calls you asking to speak with you in person, be sure to tell them that no matter what he/she tells you, you love them and accept them.
2: When they confess that they have had homosexual/bisexual thoughts in person or over the phone, repeat number one.
3: After you reassure them you're still their friend no matter what, celebrate the courage it took to trust you with something so incredibly hard.
4: This is very important and very hard for the many Christians who believe being gay/bisexual is a sin and wrong...be sure to remind them that no matter what, God loves them just the way they are.
5: If they are huggers, give them a hug. Then ask how you can support them best. Thank them again for considering you a safe place for this information and repeat step one.
The following are five things that I would ask...borderline beg you NOT to do.
1: Do not quote verses about homosexuality. As I mentioned earlier, they have probably heard them all and are haunted by them.
2: Do not ask if they have tried to be straight. Obviously they have or they wouldn't have come to you. And this makes them think you find them flawed and less than human.
3: Even though I know it's a good intention...don't encourage them to hide it for his/her own sake so they won't be hurt by this cruel world. That's a kind of rejection in and of itself and makes them feel like the most intimate part of themselves is as ugly as a birthmark that they need to hide. And anyway...they are tired of hiding. That's why they are coming to you.
4: For the love of everything that is holy...do NOT tell them they are going to hell for feeling this way. Even if you preface this with..."I'm only telling you because I love and care about you." Do not tell them this. You don't know that, and if you believe homosexuality is a sin, and you believe Jesus died for those...they aren't going to hell. I believe love of any kind is not a sin, and they just want to believe this too. Just let them.
5: Do not abandon them. Stay an integral part of their lives. Congratulations! You are now part of their support system as they relearn how to love themselves.
Your friend has probably done all he/she could to pray the gay away, he/she has probably looked up all the Bible verses that at first glance seem to be against the very feelings that come most naturally to them. They may have tried to date someone of the opposite gender just to see if they could ignite what they were "supposed to feel" and obviously, since they are coming to you about it, this has failed. I want you to know they are probably terrified that their family, their other friends, that YOU will judge them, abandon them, hate them because of this information. With that in mind, consider yourself incredibly blessed that your friend trusts you and loves you enough to lay their broken vulnerable heart open on the table for you to gaze at. Please be loving enough to look at it, then look at your friend, smile, and say thank you for trusting me with something so beautiful.
