By Celebrating Our Differences, We Embrace Our Potential

http://geeksout.org/blogs/ztmac108/celebrating-our-differences-we-embrace-our-potential

New piece for Geeks Out. This is a beautiful space for LGBTQ folks who are looking for an interweb home for their geeky side, and I've been honored to be included in writing for them. Enjoy!

How to Support Your Homosexual Christian Friend

Your friend just called/text you asking you to talk. You have noticed that your friend is extremely angsty lately, nervous, on edge. Furthermore, you feel like they may be of a different sexuality than your own because of X, y, or z. You don't know what to do or say because you've never felt this way yourself. You may have heard all of your life that being gay is a sin and have thought you've seen Bible verses to agree with that view. Believe me, they probably have too and have spent years beating themselves raw with them. Here is some advice from the lips of a Christian lesbian that I hope helps you navigate your conversation in a way to best love and support your friend.

1: When your friend texts or calls you asking to speak with you in person, be sure to tell them that no matter what he/she tells you, you love them and accept them.

2: When they confess that they have had homosexual/bisexual thoughts in person or over the phone, repeat number one.

3: After you reassure them you're still their friend no matter what, celebrate the courage it took to trust you with something so incredibly hard.

4: This is very important and very hard for the many Christians who believe being gay/bisexual is a sin and wrong...be sure to remind them that no matter what, God loves them just the way they are.

5: If they are huggers, give them a hug. Then ask how you can support them best. Thank them again for considering you a safe place for this information and repeat step one.

The following are five things that I would ask...borderline beg you NOT to do.

1: Do not quote verses about homosexuality. As I mentioned earlier, they have probably heard them all and are haunted by them.

2: Do not ask if they have tried to be straight. Obviously they have or they wouldn't have come to you. And this makes them think you find them flawed and less than human.

3: Even though I know it's a good intention...don't encourage them to hide it for his/her own sake so they won't be hurt by this cruel world. That's a kind of rejection in and of itself and makes them feel like the most intimate part of themselves is as ugly as a birthmark that they need to hide. And anyway...they are tired of hiding. That's why they are coming to you.

4: For the love of everything that is holy...do NOT tell them they are going to hell for feeling this way. Even if you preface this with..."I'm only telling you because I love and care about you." Do not tell them this. You don't know that, and if you believe homosexuality is a sin, and you believe Jesus died for those...they aren't going to hell. I believe love of any kind is not a sin, and they just want to believe this too. Just let them.

5: Do not abandon them. Stay an integral part of their lives. Congratulations! You are now part of their support system as they relearn how to love themselves.

Your friend has probably done all he/she could to pray the gay away, he/she has probably looked up all the Bible verses that at first glance seem to be against the very feelings that come most naturally to them. They may have tried to date someone of the opposite gender just to see if they could ignite what they were "supposed to feel" and obviously, since they are coming to you about it, this has failed. I want you to know they are probably terrified that their family, their other friends, that YOU will judge them, abandon them, hate them because of this information. With that in mind, consider yourself incredibly blessed that your friend trusts you and loves you enough to lay their broken vulnerable heart open on the table for you to gaze at. Please be loving enough to look at it, then look at your friend, smile, and say thank you for trusting me with something so beautiful.

Advent, Wrap Me in Your Loving Arms...

As Advent comes ever closer...I find my heart longing once again for community, and a safe place to celebrate my favorite liturgical season of the year. Advent was something I always looked forward to even as a child in the Methodist church I grew up in. I loved listening to each Christmas Story in the Bible and watching each candle being lit. I find myself yearning so strongly for a place to feel safe, to feel accepted, to feel support and offer it in return to my peers. I miss church so much, but still...I am constantly afraid. I have been invited to several churches, and my friends, this means more to me than you could know. However, the reality of my situation is that no matter where I go here in this beautiful state I call home, there will be some who I will make uncomfortable merely because of my presence. The last church I went to, with the support of my former wife and her family, still haunts me. Six families left because I transferred my membership from the Methodist Church I grew up in. Thinking back on that experience, I remember that there were some who tried to make me more comfortable, and some who were uncomfortable but still tried to reach out and accept me. Maybe I just need to have patience and courage with others who do not accept me at first...just as they need compassion and patience with themselves as well as me, as they acclimate to my presence. Friends...if you pray, please pray that I find courage again to step out in faith to find a church community. Pray that I can overcome my grief, anger, and fear that people won't accept me, and just be thankful there are some that do love me just the way I am.

"Fear Leads to Anger, Anger to Hate, Hate to Suffering..." -Yoda

"Fear Leads to Anger, Anger to Hate, Hate to Suffering..."-Yoda

These are wise words from the most famous Jedi Master. Oh how we could all learn some humility and gain a mutual wisdom from his words. We set ourselves on opposite sides of the bridge of love and our fear of each other, whatever opposite our feeble minds may create, builds a barrier of animosity. If only we could open our minds...clear them as the Jedi suggests...we could exist in harmony together. We could allow the light side of the force to emanate a passageway into the darkness that is ultimately benign. Benign because ultimately, no matter our background, our upbringing, our biology, our nature, our nurture; we ALL deal with similar life choices, consequences, tasks, rites of passage, etc. If we could only open our eyes, look past our fear, our anger, our hate; we would see a mutual understanding of our journey as human beings: to learn, to grow, to choose, to fail, to succeed, to be alone, to love, to exist - in all that entails, and we would build each other up, and not continue to beat each other down. May we be mindful, may we be patient, may we be ever intentional to follow Yoda's insight so that we can evade the suffering of the dark force, no matter how alluring it is in the present moment.

I Am Not "That Poor Sinner"

"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in the Lord." -Psalm 34:8

   Oh how I yearn for refuge. How I yearn to stop hearing the voices in my head scream "Sinner!" Not only am I a lesbian to them, no, I am a once married lesbian and now divorced lesbian. "Sinner!" Do they call me this to my face? Some have, wrapped in a pretty package of pity and piety. Handing me perfumed verses that turn sour as soon as they reach my tired soul. Some have even tried to fight for me, that poor sinner, by saying to others that I am the prostitute Jesus spared from god fearing people by daring the one who had not sinned to cast the first stone. Some have tried to argue that everyone is a sinner, so why can't I use this as an argument to justify why I should be allowed to go to church? I've spent most of my adult life picturing myself as the beggar asking Christians to please PLEASE let me worship with them. Please let me play music again, sing again with my brothers and sisters. Let me learn alongside them about God, love, the universe, the great why's and the mystery surrounding Jesus and the Holy Spirit. In my search for a church family, I have found that if I am honest about my life and my sexuality, I am unintentionally given the power to wreck a church, to split it's members, and send some out the door. Please believe me when I tell you, I DO NOT want this power. They CHOOSE to leave because they feel they cannot worship alongside something so utterly sinful. I just want to be in a community again, to be comforted, encouraged, asked how my heart is. I have also found that pastors still keep what I have referred to as "the sin list" and yes, I am still on it.
    I will tell you now...I am tired of it. Tired of this cursed list. I grew so weary of beating myself daily for not being able to destroy this part of me...that I embraced my sexual orientation. I saw that in trying to kill it, I was trying to kill a part of myself that was able to love, to give, to receive, to exist. I cannot separate myself from this part of me just as heterosexual people are unable to reject the ability to, and the honor of loving their wives, husbands, girlfriends, boyfriends. They get to love him or her openly, proudly, loudly, happily. If I or my LGBT brothers and sisters do this, we are hushed, we are scoffed at for throwing our gayness everywhere, for hating Christians. Displaying our sin is wicked and gross just because it is different.
   Am I a sinner? Certainly, everyone is. But it should not define me or anyone. Furthermore, I refuse to tolerate people calling my homosexuality a sin and using it as an excuse to feel they have the need to save me, to bring me back to God, or to shun me. Oh, how I yearn for refuge. Oh God, even saying the name I was taught to call this Being brings me peace and comfort. Just sitting and saying God...more like a question...like a searching, grasping, trying to test if God is listening. Then my heart, my soul, the God inside me tells me that indeed it is so. I am listened to and cared for. I am loved solely because I exist and there is nothing NOTHING that can separate me from my strong, loving, beautiful Creator. I am so tired of listening to lies that I am not good enough to go to church, I am not good enough to keep company with my Christian friends, that my homosexuality is a sin, and that I am not good enough to ever serve God in any capacity. Most of these lies solely float through my mind, but a few have crossed into the physical world via speech or written word and punched my battered soul right in the stomach to leave it heaving for want of air. But still, I press on. Thankfully, not always alone.
   I am blessed to have friends who cheer me on as I search for a community. I am blessed beyond measure by some who have loved me through every piece of my crazy beautiful life. They don't see me as "that poor sinner" but treat me as their sister in Christ, their friend, their equal. One recently made the comment she thinks that it is admirable that even though I face so many obstacles, I keep trying to find a church and a community because it is so important. Fancy that, not a beggar, but a heroine pressing on to find what my heart desires: God, a community, and an earthly home to worship God with my community. So I will press on. When I grow weary, when I feel so lonely it hurts...I will find my refuge in God.

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them, he delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34: 17,18

Lesbian Bible Study: God Still Loves You

1 John 3:19-23: "This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we keep his commands and do what pleases him. And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us."

Oh how often we have condemned ourselves! How long did we (do we) tell ourselves that we can never be loved by God because we cannot be attracted to the opposite sex like we are "supposed to!" Oh we have tried, we have dated, we have tried to pray the gay away, but there it is...always reminding us that we are not worthy of God's love. But my friends, we are indeed welcomed into God's loving arms because we are certainly his beloved children. We are not asked to be straight in this verse (and MANY other verses) but we are called to LOVE one another. Jesus also calls us to LOVE ourselves in the verse 1 John is referring to: "Jesus replied: 'Love the Lord your God with all of your heart and with all of your soul, and with all of your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.' " (Matthew 22:37-40, emphasis added). We must learn how to love ourselves again so we can freely love others. The cycle is this: God loves us, so we are free to love ourselves, so that we can love others. (1 John 4:19: "We love because he first loved us.") If we cannot trust our own love for ourselves, let us relearn to trust that God loves us. In trusting God's love, let us remember how to love ourselves, so we can complete the cycle and freely love others. You are not alone in this journey. There are many who are trying to embrace themselves as Lesbians and Christians, and many who are fighting for a world that will accept us happily in church. Until that world is realized, be comforted that God loves you and is always with you.

Social Media Wars and a Call to #sharethelove

This just in: A Social Media War has been waged against #onemanonewoman and #lovewins people. The Champion in #onemanonewoman's corner is "GOD", while "LGBT" is in #lovewins corner. The rainbow flag is flying around LGBT's shoulders, while #onemanonewoman clutches The Holy Bible to it's chest. Both faces are set in rage, and both feel that they have something to fight to the death for. And here I am: an LGBT who loves God. I am looking at the two of them with confusion, and a deep sense of sadness. It seems my friends are "deleting" each other left and right (no political pun intended), and pasting this brand on each others character due to their claim to a mushed up phrase following a pound/number/hash "#" symbol. When did Facebook, which started as a site to share fun/learning/exciting experiences with your friends and family turn into a platform of belief systems and political opinions? Have we really thrown privacy aside so much that we share these things at the expense of lifelong/decade long/brand new friendships? Furthermore, are we people who find one thing, ONE THING, that is different than our personal views and deem the other party unworthy of us and our friendship? I want to clear the air personally right now and say that I do not. I see friends from both hashtag corners spouting off their beliefs and their righteous anger and hug them in my heart. I recognize that people are being hurt, it seems, on both sides of this topic and I want to scream from the rooftops that you are loveable no matter what you believe. Because the truth of the matter is this: your belief about this topic is only a milifraction (yes, I made that up) of who you are. Of what makes you, you. For people in God's corner, God made us ALL in God's image so we could be LOVED by our creator. People in LGBT's corner, we are finally being recognized as people who can LOVE our partners romantically and share the benefits as our heterosexual brothers and sisters. Love is the key here. Let us continue to share the love that flows through us whether it is through God or through the love that is poured into us by our partners, friends, and family. Let's stop the hate, and #sharethelove