Coffee and Introspection

I step out onto my porch as I do every morning to greet the new day. As the aroma of my coffee meets my nose I am once again embraced by the beauty of the Appalachian mountains. I think about the poor child I read in a news article my friend told me about that was bullied for being gay and I remember the dark side of my own childhood. The difference between me and  this child however, was that my bully was one that could not be seen. I hid her from my family, friends, and co-workers. She tortured me. She told me the God that I loved and wanted to please so badly could never love all of me. She told me the bible was a tool to tell me how sinful I was and taught me how to judge myself and others. She convinced me I was so sinful that I was unloveable. I hid her behind good intentions, legalism, religion, social norms, and all that was expected of me. It wasn't until God graciously let my world come crashing down that I realized that bully was me.